How can I help my child co-regulate?

Adults/caregivers play a critical role in shaping and supporting behaviors and regulation skills from birth to young adulthood through a process called co-regulation. Below are tips and tricks to help you understand, empathize and co-regulate with your child/toddler.

First tip is to understand how the brain plays a big role in the way a child manages their emotions and behaviors. There are three different parts of the brain that shape emotional regulation. The prefrontal cortex is the “thinking brain”. It controls executive functioning skills, reasoning and problem solving. The limbic system is the “feeling brain”. It is where the child’s emotions are experienced. The child may seem needy, misbehaving, etc. The brain stem and amygdala are the “fight or flight brain”. When this part of the brain is engaged there is no connection between the prefrontal cortex; therefore, no thinking is taking place.

Second tip is to empathize with your child. Try to get on your child’s level and really understand the reasons as to why you may be seeing these behaviors. Keep in mind if basic needs such as hunger/ thirst, fatigue and safety are not met then behaviors are more likely prevalent. In the moment of emotional disregulation, it can be very difficult for the caregivers to keep calm. Try to use words like, “ I see you are upset about…. But this is the expectation”. This can also be a great way to promote modeling behaviors of coping such as deep breathing.

Third tip is to co-regulate with your child. Co-regulation is the ability for a caregiver to support the process of regulation development. Below are some strategies to help promote co-regulation:

• Provide calm and responsive communication
• Structure the environment for safety or remove child if in danger
• Model/ teach/ coach child in regulation skills (deep breathing, counting, calm voice)
• Be firm and consistent
• Be empathetic
• Provide visual to help with choosing a coping skill due to difficulty to process verbal
  communication
• Video can be helpful to discuss later about safety and behaviors
• Wait until child is calm and can understand verbal language to discuss

Remember that all children are different, and it is important to consult with your occupational therapist regarding concerns.

Morgan Adekoya MS, OTR/L